It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
