dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
