We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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