My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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