i think my tv is drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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