upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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