flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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