Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
