I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
