I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
