Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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