Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
