If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
