im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My balls are so social today.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
