Just cropdusted the office
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
