toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think im going to throw up on grandma
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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