She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
