Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
