I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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