Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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