I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
