I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
be right there i have to get my cape
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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