Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
