the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
