She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
