I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
