this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
