U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
