oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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