I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
