Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
