I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Randomize
