I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize