I want you more than these girls want KFC
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
