I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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