you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
