I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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