Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
