I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
