She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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