WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
