I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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