girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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