Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
