you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have demons in me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize