you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
