chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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