no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
