I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
