He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
