Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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