Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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