just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
