Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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