Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
