Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
