I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
