tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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