i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
