I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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