why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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