i permit you to call me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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