She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
