hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
