is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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