He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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