i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
