i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
