just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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