I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
