Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
