My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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