I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
