Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
