When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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