I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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