hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
