just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
