You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
