is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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