How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize