Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
