Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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