Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
