at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize