can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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